The Abyss

I'm not sure why I'm writing about this, but that stems from the fact I'm not sure why I am so damn depressed. This has been a shitty weekend. It looked to be pretty good, despite the weather, but it went straight to hell and hasn't improved. I wish I had answers as to why I feel like I do and I really don't want to talk about it, so I figured I'd spew a few lines of garbage about it and maybe that will make some of it go away. We'll see what happens. I guess there are things in my life I perceived as positives, but they really aren't. Only time will tell, right now I just want to climb into a dark abyss and not climb out. Oh wait, I'm already headed down that road... to be continued

The Ball of Hate

Where do I start? This all stems from a pissy morning on Friday and post to Twitter inspired by some idiot who doesn't sit in my cube was sitting in the chair behind me acting like he owned the place. Friday was NOT his day. Luckily he left, so I didn't have to snap his neck.

The Ball of Hate- This concept is not mine, but a great friend of mine whom I worked with at Wegmans in Virginia. We worked overnight in the grocery department and this particular Wegmans was one of the busier stores in the whole chain. Lots of volume, I'd give numbers but unless you work in the industry, it would be pointless information. We always had to bust our asses, nearly every night, to get done on time and the order for the next day entered by 5am. I had begun noticing that when we were particularly busy, my buddy would almost drop into a zone where he was very angry, ignored most of what everyone said, and flew around like a banshee. The catch was that the work got done amazingly quick. After breakdown one time (unloading the truck and stacking stuff on carts to go to their appropriate aisles), I asked him why he was so pissed. He just laughed and said he wasn't. I was like "What???" Now I'm thoroughly confused. So I asked him "Why did you seem so mad earlier, but now that we're done you're all smiles again?" His answer, "The Ball of Hate."

The Ball of Hate, as he explained it, was something generated from within. You basically thought of things that really pissed you off, focused it into this imaginary little ball inside you and let it feed your anger to the point of being on the verge of explosion. I asked "Why?" His Answer, "To work faster." My analysis- To release the adrenalin necessary to work faster and harder for a sustained period of time. I liken it similar to how an athlete gets up for a big time and goes to that next level, though not quite the same except maybe in football.

I was intrigued by it actually and wondered if I could create this Ball of Hate too. I thought of the things that pissed me off, the people who hurt me and really made me mad. Lo and behold I could and man did I work faster. I scared people, but I did work faster. To further the rush, I added some Stacker II weight loss pills which were just basically caffeine and herbs to amp you up, and some really angry, violence inducing music like "Bodies" by Drowning Pool, "Wait and Bleed" by Slipknot, "Stricken" by Disturbed, etc. You get the idea, not "nice" music. You put all those factors together and I became quite the cyclone at work. Granted I did throw things I wasn't supposed to and threw things at people who weren't working fast enough, but I got the job done. The goal was always to be done before the boss got in at 11 and we rarely missed the mark.

With all that’s gone on in my life the past few years, I've not tapped into this angry energy as one of the things I've tried to do is control/eliminate my temper. But now…it may be time to welcome it back for reasons to be discussed later. Only time will tell...

The Quest To Being Healthy Begins Anew

As I've mentioned in a few posts, I've tried to diet unsuccessfully since I moved out of the house back in May of last year. I lacked the proper motivation... apparently... until now.

I was given a huge motivational push and perhaps a sign from God on this past Saturday afternoon regarding my overall health, my weight and lack of losing it. Some may even look at it as the proverbial 2 x 4 to the side of the head, in the hopes of knocking some sense into me. In any case...

I had taken my son and little one to see Captain America, outstanding movie by the way. As we were walking out of the theater, we to got the bottom of the stairs and my daughter says to me "Daddy, you need to go play more". I looked at her thinking what the heck could she be talking about so I asked, "What do you mean baby?" Her reply "Daddy, you need to go play so your belly can be smaller." I looked at her again, wondering where the heck this came from. My son remarked "Wow, that was mean!" I disagreed completely. My little one is almost 4-1/2 years old and is not capable of malice, I KNOW my little girl. It really got me to thinking about my weight, my future, and her future.

What have I taken away from this? I take a few things from it actually.

1. It is definitely time for me to get off my ass and fully commit to losing the weight I need to in order to be healthy.
2. My little girl really loves me and wants me to be around.
3. I also believe its God's little way of nudging me in the direction of getting back on a proper diet and exercise program.

I know what I need to do, have the tools to do it and have been paying for a gym membership that is way underutilized. With these things in mind, I am hoping that this is the final push I need to stick with this 17 Day Diet or at least and the exercise plan I've devised for myself. Only time will tell, but I believe that its time to do something about it now, as I really want to be around to see my little one get married and experience the joy of being a grandfather.

Its time...

That’s all for now.

Randomness

Well, now that I'm all done redesigning/destroying my blog, I may as well write something, right?

Its a little after 6am and I've been up now for about 2 hours. This day is really going to suck I think. I have lots to do since I basically just played with the kids all day yesterday and I know I am going to be too tired to do it later. Should I go back to sleep? Yes, because I'll be useless later if I don't. No, because if I do, I won't wake back up until noon or so. Ugggghhhh!

On another note, I really need to get this wrist looked at or figure out some home remedy for tendonitis. Now that its hurting so much, I'm outta here.